How can I go about telling my friend to try to get on with her life? (long story–read only if you have time)?
***All names have been changed to protect their identities.***
First, let me give you some background info. Sabrina and I have been friends for about 2 years. We met where I used to work. I am 22 and she is 23. We often took our smoke breaks at the same time and it went from there. We don’t speak as often as we used to, but we are still friends.
Sabrina lives with Wesley, who is 32 years old. They met online. She was depressed because her now-ex-husband had recently left her, and he helped her through that difficult time in her life. At that time, Wesley was the receiving manager at a hardware and appliance store as well as at a home decor shop, so he made pretty decent money. A few months after they first chatted online, Sabrina get her first ever job at a well-known clothing store.
I have no problem with his age, by the way. What I have a problem with is the fact that he has not held a job in at least a year (maybe longer) because he has been in and out of jail (DUS, simple possession, open container, etc.) so he hasn’t really had enough time to look before he goes back. He does odd jobs and such, but just enough to support his pot and beer habit. He contributes nothing to their finances.
Sabrina works a part-time job and has to use pretty much all of her paycheck to pay bills. They steal most of what they eat because Sabrina somehow does not qualify for food stamps and Wesley is too lazy to even apply.
They both have to bum rides. Sabrina has never had a license, and Wesley’s was suspended in 2003. She had a truck, but had to turn it over to his sister because Wesley got caught for the bazillionth time driving w/o a license.
Sabrina’s divorce was finalized in October 2008. She got a lump-sum alimony of $4000. She should have been able to get herself a new ride or some new clothes at the very least. Instead, she used about $2700 to bail Wesley out of jail (again), and several hundred went to his sister, Erica, to pay off a title loan that she had taken out to bail him out a previous time, so Sabrina was left with only a few hundred dollars. The last time Wesley went to jail, Sabrina did not bail him out because she literally did not have enough money to her name to do so.
Wesley even confided to me once that he regretted ever getting with Sabrina and he hurts every day knowing he made the biggest mistake of his life. I did not even know what to say, so I said nothing. His sister talks crap behind Sabrina’s back and hounds her about getting a different (meaning better paying) job. In this economy (and with management changes at her job), Sabrina is lucky to even have that job at all.
I told my mother all of this (except for the stealing part) and she says that if I do not want to do a face-to-face talk, then I should maybe write an anonymous letter detailing my advice. By the way, she has met all three of them. She likes Sabrina just fine, but does not particularly care for Wesley and despises Erica.
My question is, what exactly should I tell her? I have no idea how to give her any advice regarding this, but I hate to see Sabrina living his way. Any ideas?
P.S. Don’t just berate me or anyone else. Give me some good advice that I can pass along to Sabrina.
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